Life Blows
Shit. I must sound like a fucking basket case. I guess the fuckin mood swings from my pregnancy are hitting me harder than I thought.
On top of the shit concerning my previous entry, I have this massive void in my soul. I'm sitting right next to my fiancee, Az, and although he's sleeping, I feel so miserably alone.
My closest friend and confidant, Lee (aka VETAH) is in Arizona. The trouble I'm having with him is the fact that I don't think about him as often as I once did, but when I do, I miss him so much. I just talked to him this morning via IM, and I asked him "Why is it people have a hard time letting go of things from their past? And why is it those things create what seems to be unfillable voids in our very souls?" His response to me was this, "Because we are slaves to our past. We are who we are because of our experiances." For only being 18, he's pretty damn insightful, huh?
Last year he indirectly introduced me to a good friend of his, a girl I nicknamed Kehneshrae, or Kehn for short. We hit it off well and became close friends very quickly. Well, I introduced her to a guy I know, who's now her boyfriend, and the two of them got Azriel and I together. Unfortunately, towards the end of '04 both Kehn and I's boyfriends "got into it" and because of things past, Az and I completely severed ourselves from him.
Partially because of the whole issue concerning our men, and partially because of how busy I am, I've neglected her. Kehn and I are both pregnant, and I promised her I'd help her out. But I've broken my promise to her, and I'm left feeling miserable because of my choices.
And yes, Kehn. I completely understand that I have no one to blame but myself for it.
Because of my concern of encountering..........sean........I don't visit her as often as I should. And I miss her so much because of it. Sometimes I wish I had never introduced her to him because I miss how much we used to talk and hang out. And I guess you could say I'm too attached to my past to let go. I want to hang out with her, but my worry prevents me from doing so.....
On top of the shit concerning my previous entry, I have this massive void in my soul. I'm sitting right next to my fiancee, Az, and although he's sleeping, I feel so miserably alone.
My closest friend and confidant, Lee (aka VETAH) is in Arizona. The trouble I'm having with him is the fact that I don't think about him as often as I once did, but when I do, I miss him so much. I just talked to him this morning via IM, and I asked him "Why is it people have a hard time letting go of things from their past? And why is it those things create what seems to be unfillable voids in our very souls?" His response to me was this, "Because we are slaves to our past. We are who we are because of our experiances." For only being 18, he's pretty damn insightful, huh?
Last year he indirectly introduced me to a good friend of his, a girl I nicknamed Kehneshrae, or Kehn for short. We hit it off well and became close friends very quickly. Well, I introduced her to a guy I know, who's now her boyfriend, and the two of them got Azriel and I together. Unfortunately, towards the end of '04 both Kehn and I's boyfriends "got into it" and because of things past, Az and I completely severed ourselves from him.
Partially because of the whole issue concerning our men, and partially because of how busy I am, I've neglected her. Kehn and I are both pregnant, and I promised her I'd help her out. But I've broken my promise to her, and I'm left feeling miserable because of my choices.
And yes, Kehn. I completely understand that I have no one to blame but myself for it.
Because of my concern of encountering..........sean........I don't visit her as often as I should. And I miss her so much because of it. Sometimes I wish I had never introduced her to him because I miss how much we used to talk and hang out. And I guess you could say I'm too attached to my past to let go. I want to hang out with her, but my worry prevents me from doing so.....
posted by Heshuutnah at 12:01 PM
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