It is times like this, when silence surrounds me and chaos consumes my mind, that my memories return to haunt me like bad nightmares one wishes to banish. I've recently read the current blogs of old friends and suddenly I realize just how much I've changed, how much things have changed in my life. Granted, I know a lot of those changes stemmed from my decisions, yet there are things in my past that I deeply wish I could return to, people that I miss and wish I could talk to though I lack the courage to speak to them again.
I see how I've let certain friendships lapse, and there are times I sincerely long to restore them, but somehow I get the feeling that this is the way I should allow things to remain. That I should remain silent and mind my own business regardless of how much it hurts to remember people from my past, and regardless of how much I may want to contact them considering I still have the means to do so... (you know who you are)
As for one person's blog I recently read: no man, woman or child should ever come between a mother trying to comfort her upset child. And when one does, so help them should they suffer a mother's wrath.
I'm glad to hear your son is doing well, though I'm shocked to see that you've let your hair grow out.
It's hard to imagine that your son will be a year old in October, but it's just a hard for me considering mine will be 1 yr at the end of this month. All your life mothers and fathers you speak to tell you that children grow up all too quickly, yet we as children never really believe them until we ourselves have children. Then it seems that we begin understanding everything our parents ever tried to teach us: all the lessons, all the heartache, the aggrevation, the anger and tears... The veil of understanding never truly or completely drops for us until after our 1st one is born. Suddenly we begin seeing things through the eyes of a parent, wondering how our child will end up; not wanting them to make the same mistakes we did and so we try to teach them our mistakes in hopes that they will learn from them, all the while knowing that they will have to learn on their own.
No, when we decided to have our sons, we never really knew what we were getting into, did we Kehn? It has been a day-by-day learning experience for us both, and hopefully, we can one day look back on everything and hope we did well by them. That is all we have to look forward to....
Whoever expected and expects you to be the happy-go-lucky mom from the 1920's is a fuckin dumbass. The first few years after a child's birth are going to be the most depressing, aggrevating and exciting years of your life. Take heart that even after all of this time of no contact with each other that we are STILL not so different from one another. Not a day goes by that I don't get pissed at Joran or Jake. There are even times that I still wish I could just leave and never return. All we can do is push them aside and do what we know we have to do: provide for our sons.
I see how I've let certain friendships lapse, and there are times I sincerely long to restore them, but somehow I get the feeling that this is the way I should allow things to remain. That I should remain silent and mind my own business regardless of how much it hurts to remember people from my past, and regardless of how much I may want to contact them considering I still have the means to do so... (you know who you are)
As for one person's blog I recently read: no man, woman or child should ever come between a mother trying to comfort her upset child. And when one does, so help them should they suffer a mother's wrath.
I'm glad to hear your son is doing well, though I'm shocked to see that you've let your hair grow out.
It's hard to imagine that your son will be a year old in October, but it's just a hard for me considering mine will be 1 yr at the end of this month. All your life mothers and fathers you speak to tell you that children grow up all too quickly, yet we as children never really believe them until we ourselves have children. Then it seems that we begin understanding everything our parents ever tried to teach us: all the lessons, all the heartache, the aggrevation, the anger and tears... The veil of understanding never truly or completely drops for us until after our 1st one is born. Suddenly we begin seeing things through the eyes of a parent, wondering how our child will end up; not wanting them to make the same mistakes we did and so we try to teach them our mistakes in hopes that they will learn from them, all the while knowing that they will have to learn on their own.
No, when we decided to have our sons, we never really knew what we were getting into, did we Kehn? It has been a day-by-day learning experience for us both, and hopefully, we can one day look back on everything and hope we did well by them. That is all we have to look forward to....
Whoever expected and expects you to be the happy-go-lucky mom from the 1920's is a fuckin dumbass. The first few years after a child's birth are going to be the most depressing, aggrevating and exciting years of your life. Take heart that even after all of this time of no contact with each other that we are STILL not so different from one another. Not a day goes by that I don't get pissed at Joran or Jake. There are even times that I still wish I could just leave and never return. All we can do is push them aside and do what we know we have to do: provide for our sons.
posted by Heshuutnah at 5:29 PM
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