Stupid Dumb Depression
*Sigh* What can i say? I'm sitting here at my desk at 2:16 in the morning, talking to my sis who's helped me out of my depression once again. Geez, what would I do without you Kehnesh?
I left Vera's room at 11:30 last night, and drove around for the next hour, trying to clear my head, trying to think through things, the whole time feeling engulfed by this stupid dumb depression. I guess you could say the main reason behind it was my lonliness, feeling so cut off from everyone I've ever cared about or loved. Kehnesh, Vetah, my family, my dog........EVERYONE. I felt so empty, so hollow inside that nothing could fill it. Like the chasm was too great to ever bridge. I felt so emotionally drained, so empty, empty in a way I haven't felt for years now. So empty I wanted to cry, but couldn't. So empty I wanted to just lay down and die, but I didn't.
Despite my ongoing battles with depression I've come to learn that the only way to beat it is to continue living one day at a time. That regardless of my depression, don't give into the lies that I'm worthless to everyone, because in reality, I'm not. I'm valuable to more people than I even realize. And besides, if I tried to kill myself, (suicide never being an option for me ever again....), Kehnesh would find some way of resurrecting me, then torment me the rest of my miserable existence......lol (love ya Kehn!), not to mention whatever twisted way Vetah would find to torture me.....(love you too, Vetah!)
Either way, for some reason, only talking to Kehnesh got me out of my emotional funk. We're sitting here, turning an ordinary Christmas song into a horror Christmas song......(tooo much fun, btw) and discussing so many things.
Well, Vetah. All I can say is that she's doing what you asked her to do.....helping me through my dumbass emotional crises.....
And thanks again, Kehnesh......for helping me out once again........
I left Vera's room at 11:30 last night, and drove around for the next hour, trying to clear my head, trying to think through things, the whole time feeling engulfed by this stupid dumb depression. I guess you could say the main reason behind it was my lonliness, feeling so cut off from everyone I've ever cared about or loved. Kehnesh, Vetah, my family, my dog........EVERYONE. I felt so empty, so hollow inside that nothing could fill it. Like the chasm was too great to ever bridge. I felt so emotionally drained, so empty, empty in a way I haven't felt for years now. So empty I wanted to cry, but couldn't. So empty I wanted to just lay down and die, but I didn't.
Despite my ongoing battles with depression I've come to learn that the only way to beat it is to continue living one day at a time. That regardless of my depression, don't give into the lies that I'm worthless to everyone, because in reality, I'm not. I'm valuable to more people than I even realize. And besides, if I tried to kill myself, (suicide never being an option for me ever again....), Kehnesh would find some way of resurrecting me, then torment me the rest of my miserable existence......lol (love ya Kehn!), not to mention whatever twisted way Vetah would find to torture me.....(love you too, Vetah!)
Either way, for some reason, only talking to Kehnesh got me out of my emotional funk. We're sitting here, turning an ordinary Christmas song into a horror Christmas song......(tooo much fun, btw) and discussing so many things.
Well, Vetah. All I can say is that she's doing what you asked her to do.....helping me through my dumbass emotional crises.....
And thanks again, Kehnesh......for helping me out once again........
posted by Heshuutnah at 1:57 AM
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